Before I started blogging, I think my friends, boyfriend and family would all agree I was feeling quite lost. I was suffering badly with my depression and anxiety and seriously struggling with what to do next. I was at my wits end and decided to go to the doctors. Consequently, was put on meds and this has single-handedly been the best decision I have made during my mental health recovery.
Fast forward a couple of months, the next best decision I made was to start my blog. I put it off for years as I was nervous of what others would think of me. I thought of hiding my face but thought ‘nope, if I’m going to do this I’m going to do it properly.’ That being said, I put the paranoid thoughts to the back of my head and stopped caring what others might think of me.
This is where my journey to happiness really began.
Blogging is like my escape. In the past, I used my eating disorder as a safety blanket to protect me from the real world. Restricting was my biggest coping mechanism and the online communities made me feel like, for the first time ever, I fit in somewhere. People ‘understood me’. Well, long story short, this was taken away from me when my out-of-control eating disorder nearly killed me.
Since this time in my life, I’ve been dibbling and dabbling in and out of my eating disorder for a few years now. Truthfully, I’ve been torn between not wanting it in my life anymore as it’s incredibly self-destructive, yet not having any other coping mechanisms to deal with my emotional issues and horrendous body image.
This is where the blogging community comes into play.
This is a community I feel I belong to, despite it’s colossal difference to the eating disorder community. Don’t get me wrong, I was NEVER pro-ana! I was part of the Instagram ‘recovery community’, which honestly wasn’t very recovery centred on my part. I met some absolutely amazing people on there who quite frankly saved my life, and I hope I helped them too, but that part of my life is over.
That part of my life HAS to be over if I want to live.
The blogging community is a different kind of community that welcomes me with open arms, accepting of all my different opinions, thoughts and emotions. I could write almost anything here on my blog and you guys would comment being supportive, no matter what. It’s like, for the first time in my life, I’m actually working towards something that’s good for me. In the past, I was working towards losing weight (AKA losing my happiness and any sanity I had left..) and therefore ultimately losing my mental and physical health, whilst lying to everyone around me.
It’s worth noting that something that’s extremely important to me when trying to improve my mental health is feeling productive. I believe it to be the number one factor towards improving my mental state, as I feel like I’m less useless/less of a failure when I’m working towards a goal.
People’s positive responses to my posts leave a smile on my face during times I never thought I would smile again. Unfortunately, being mentally ill makes it hard for me to go to work frequently or leave the house on a daily basis, so blogging is a different form of productiveness for me. I’m so grateful for this amazing little blog I created! 🙂
Starting a blog was the best decision I have made in my 21 years of being on this crazy planet. I can’t thank my readers enough for helping me to finally feel like I belong somewhere and constantly showing me support, whether it’s on my makeup posts or my rambling mental health posts. You guys always seem to have my back, and I’ll ALWAYS have yours.
Lots of love,