Mental Health Update | August 2019

Hi, loves.

I haven’t actually updated you guys on my mental health for a while as I’ve had other things I’ve wanted to write about, so I think we’re long over due a mental health update (AKA Soph rambling about how sad she is.)

I never post on a Saturday but I just need to get this written and posted. So far, August has been C R A P. July was also crap. June was also crap. And May? You guessed it – crap. Okay, maybe I’m being a little negative here.. There’s been some good moments in 2019, but in general it really hasn’t been the best year for me.

It was exactly a year ago when I first started anti depressants. I did start to feel a little better for a few months until the meds wore off and I started new ones, which aren’t really working very well. I’m unsure at this point whether to up my Sertraline dose to 150mg (the mental health nurse said the highest dose is 200mg) or to just switch to other meds (the same nurse said I could switch to ones that are better for helping me sleep if I wanted to, rather than upping my current meds.) I can’t mentally take feeling like this for much longer, so I feel upping to 150mg is a big risk as: 1.) they make me feel worse at first, 2.) if they don’t work I’ll be feeling more awful for longer when I could’ve just switched to other meds, and 3.) 150mg is a very high dose so I may just be a zombie. Does anyone have advice? I really am stuck.

I’m honestly feeling a little lost at the minute.. I just feel hopeless. I’m not particularly sad and there’s nothing necessarily bad happening in my life at the moment – I just feel lost. I feel numb almost 24/7. I’ll be doing my makeup and thinking ‘why am I even doing this?’ It’s almost a distraction for the mean time until I finish my makeup, get the empty feeling again and think ‘Ok, what now? What next? Lie in bed feeling numb?’ I have to constantly keep myself distracted but it’s hard to stay distracted when everything I do feels pointless.

I don’t think I’ve been this open on my blog before as people in my personal life sometimes read it, but I really just needed to get this out to my readers. I know a lot of you suffer with mental health issues too so I’m really hoping some of you could shine some light and offer me some advice through this tough time, or at least reassure me I’m not the only one who feels/has felt like this.

The worst part is I don’t know why I’m feeling this way. I was unhappy my whole childhood and adolescence, but felt better randomly around 2016 time. Then, out of nowhere, this time last year I started suffering mentally again. I have no idea what’s triggered this. I don’t really know what to do at this point. I’m waiting for therapy but I don’t know how I can wait any longer.

I know I’ll be okay, but it is just horrible feeling so lost all the time.

Lots of love,

Soph. xx

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17 thoughts on “Mental Health Update | August 2019

  1. Hi, Sophie!
    It took nearly four solid years before the medications were all in sync with one another and yes, several times over that four year period of feeling lost, numb, everything pointless. I give you high kudos for at least doing your makeup. LOL!
    It’s times like this when I used to (still do) log in a journal or calendar how I’m feeling that particular day. This is in order to keep your therapist/psychiatrist in the loop how you are handling the meds. You may need to be tweaked again, (and, not in the kinky sense).
    Heck, I got over my latest depressive cycle almost five weeks ago. That one lasted nearly 4 months. I seriously pushed myself harder every day, but if I realized I was pushing too hard, I had to take a mental health day off.
    If I were you, I would contact who is in charge of your meds.
    My thoughts and prayers are with you, Sweetie! xoxo!

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  2. Meds can really only do so much. I’m on 300 a day of Effexor and well some other things for bipolar. I feel ok some days, really depressed the other and fully psychotic the next. I know that I am done with them screwing around with meds and hope HOPE therapy helps to some degree.

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  3. hey lovely, thank you for such a raw and honest post. you are truly amazing, i hope you know that despite what your brain likes to trick you into thinking. it’s okay to feel stuck, but the important thing is acknowledging you want to get better. you have put into words so easily what so many struggle to say, you deserve the world and more i hope things get better for you. I would definitely look into alternative medications, it is unfair for you to experience bad side effects on top of everything else you feel. If you ever need me I’m always a message away, you are worthy. I hope the rest of August is kinder to you, so is the rest of the year xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your lovely words – they really do go a long way! You are one of the loveliest people I’ve come across in the blogging community and I can’t thank you enough for always picking me up when I’m feeling down ❤ x

      Liked by 1 person

  4. If the sertraline hasn’t helped at all, going up to a higher dose probably isn’t going to do all that much. If it’s helped somewhat, going up on the dose could be helpful, and for anxiety in particular antidepressants really need to be in the high end of the dosing range to work properly.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This is the kind of advice I wanted from this post – thank you! I was prescribed Sertraline primarily for my anxiety and for my depression as like a secondary thing (if that makes sense?). My anxiety felt a bit better for a few weeks but it’s just getting worse now so if it needs to be a higher dose to help my anxiety I have absolutely no issues with upping the dose. If it helps my anxiety that’s great, but I’m not really sure what to do if it doesn’t help my depression at the same time? Do I switch meds altogether? Do you have any advice?

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Always know that you are not in this alone. Its okay to have a bad month and to feel numb. Its just how you deal with it that matters.

    Its okay to up your dose if it worked for you, or to change it if you don’t think it will.

    And if you ever want to speak to someone, I’m here. Plus, I know how crappy Sertraline can be when you start or up a dose.

    Liked by 1 person

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