I kind of want to just blurt out my thoughts and feelings all over this post, but that wouldn’t be very ‘blogger’ of me. Is it okay to write a blog post that makes pretty much no sense and is just a huge ramble sprawled across the screen? Probably not. Oh well.
I’m struggling with figuring out who I actually am, and I know it’s not just me who feels this way (thankfully). In a world where there are so many different styles and aesthetics all down your Instagram feed, how can any of us truly know who we are? I find myself struggling to find the difference between appreciating an aesthetic and wanting to take said aesthetic and make it my own – does that make sense? I’m not quite sure where to draw the line between thinking someone else looks good in an outfit and wanting to wear the outfit myself. Basically, I’m struggling with finding my style.
And that’s ok. It’s ok to not be sure what my style is, because that’s what your twenties are for – figuring ourselves out. It’s also okay to combine multiple different styles and aesthetics, right? I can look grunge one day and girly another, and there’s nothing wrong with that either! Humans adapt and change according to their surroundings every day, and I’m no different.
In regards to my actual identity, this is where the real problem lies. I’m hyper aware that I need to stop trying to be like other people and be more like myself, but the problem is that I don’t know who I am! I’ve spent so many years trying to understand who I am that I’ve lost myself along the way. I want nothing more to be like these ‘soft girls’ that style a simple lipgloss and mascara with a grey jumper and breeze through life with a delicate smile on their faces. I want to be able to fit into size 6 jeans and be like all the other petite girls – but guess what? I’m not going to fit into a size 6. Ever. I’m not a delicate flower who wears ligloss and mascara – I wear bright purple lipstick and huge lashes. I’m not a ‘soft girl’ – I’m loud as hell and I annoy everyone around me. But, you know what? That’s ok, because that’s ME. These qualities I dislike about myself actually happen to be what a lot of people love about me the most. I’m ok the way I am!!! And it’s time to start accepting that.
I’ve always been the girl with the bright eyeshadow and the black lip one day, and no makeup the next. One day I’ll dress in all black with huge boots, and one day I’ll be wearing a jumper, jeans and converse. It’s ok for me to switch it up – I really don’t have to stick to one specific style. When I’m happy, my positive energy radiates to those around me. I glow when I’m allowing myself the best version of myself, and sometimes the best version of myself is whatever I can manage to give on the day – whether it’s being lay in bed all day doing nothing, or smashing my goals. A long as I’m trying my hardest, I’m doing ok.
I don’t know if this post is useful to anyone in any way, but I definitely feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders after writing it. I have my whole life to figure myself out, why am I in a rush to do it now?
Lots of love,